I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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