I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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