i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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