so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
