im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
