at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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