She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
