i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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