She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
