Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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