They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
