we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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