I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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