Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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