there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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