I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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