And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize