You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
