There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
