the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
