it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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