i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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