I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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