I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
