My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
