The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Houston, we have a squirter
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
