her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
