I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's never too late to be topless.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
