dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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