Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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