Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
"it" just moved
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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