I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
