oh god the rape fog is back!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
