Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
