yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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