it's not cheating when I paid for it
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
