non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
