i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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