there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
