why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
