I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
