Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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