Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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