On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she pinky promised me she was 18
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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