last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
