Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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