If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
