i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
