I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
