Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
