You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
