Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
