Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
