If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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