You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
