I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
