His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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