Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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