forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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