dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize