Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
