I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
