Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
