So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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