Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
