Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
