when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
