I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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