Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
