I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
