2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
