I'm really into asian looking animals
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
