We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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