I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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