how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
