I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
