I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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