Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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