Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
