My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
this hospital has no fireball
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
