Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
