i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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