the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
