She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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