he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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