Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
