Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
