false alarm. still invincible.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
