I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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