Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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