What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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