just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
