This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize