And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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