Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
