Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
