we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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